Tuesday, 17 April 2012

YOU matter so much to me, YOU have no idea

So as I write this, I have tears running down my cheeks ; Not because I am upset, unhappy, or depressed but because in this moment sitting here thinking about everything it has hit me really hard that when I wake up tomorrow morning my life will change.  I'm not scared or worried for all the things in life that I know I will accomplish, the things I've always wanted to do for myself. I am sad because even though I am only going maybe 12 hours away the most, I feel like I am leaving the most important person in my life back here where I have called home my whole life. I am sure that many of you can relate you having someone amazing in your life, someone who not only sees in you what you'll never see in yourself, but someone who knows every thing about and still loves you. Its not just that I am leaving my BEST FRIEND. I am leaving my sister, my twin, my soul mate. I know that it will only be a short time again until I see her again. But until then, let me explain all the reasons why I love my twin, why its so hard to be apart. It all began back in high school, and as much as I don't want to admit it, I was a geek. I didn't really do my makeup I tried super hard to make people like me, I wanted to be popular and cool and had no confidence in myself. I remember the day it all changed. I took the bus home everyday after school, and had seen this girl around school who talked to people I kind of knew, yet I hadn't ever talked to her. You see the thing was when I saw her I thought "Oh wow, she is SO cool we wouldn't ever be friends". Well that all changed one day on the bus after school. I got on the bus like I had everyday after school, heading to the mall to go work my shitty paying part-time job at A&W.. SO lame, but yes that was my first job, and I was proud of it. Well on my journey to the mall that day I sat down on the bus and to my surprise this super cool popular girl was also on the bus. I was not at the time one to initiate a conversation with someone I am not comfortable around or didn't know well. But to my surprise she talked to me. I couldn't even tell you what we talked about but I remember how i react after it. After work I got home and told my Mom the coolest, most popular girl EVER talked to me on the bus and I was going to sit with her at lunch. So I sat with her at lunch, and we built up a ever lasting friendship, we literally realised how much we had in common, music, boys, clothes, jokes, our humour is still to this day the same, we even worked together at a movie theather for along time. As we grew up we drifted a little apart, but always would still talk and catch up. She went and lived life different than I lived mine, which was okay I think it helped us build our friendship because we both went through hard times but still remained close and vented to each other. In the last 3-4 years we have grown together so much. We have been put in situations where people have tried to crack our friendship, people have taken sides against either one of us, but never once have we thought about not being friends. We do EVERYTHING together, I am not even kidding. We can spend a Friday night in the house dying our hair, painting our nails, laughing and watching stupid TV shows. We also think the same things at the same time, and say the same things, and laugh the same. We are attached at the hip. And we get told all the time we look alike, or asked if we are sisters. We can have fun anywhere we go, shes basically the only friend I need. People might not ever understand our friendship, and that's okay, because we understand it. She is an inspirational, beautiful, confident, outgoing, funny, crazy, goofy, goal orientated, out spoken, nice, caring, reliable, and amazing woman. I wouldn't trade her for the world. She can see things in me, I don't even see in myself. When I feel like giving up and treat her crappy and take out my problems on her, she doesn't fight with me or turn away but supports me. She lets me vent, lets me cry, lets me laugh. And if I feel like I'll never laugh again, she uses her humour and makes me laugh. She sees the best in people, even when they don't deserve it. And I know that no one else will ever come into my life and replace her, she is always going to be the twin sister I never got to have (I was actually a twin which is crazy, and my mom lost the other twin halfway through the pregnancy and I was the stronger twin and survived) maybe she is my Angel, protecting me making sure I am okay. Whatever she is, she is my best friend. I know that everyone can say they have the most amazing friend in the world, but I beg to differ, because you've never met my best friend. People might think we are crazy, we make up the dumbest shit together, laugh at the stupidest things but it works for us. We can go without makeup, wearing sweats, to tan. We both give each other different things in a friendship, but I can honestly say that if I didn't have her, I'm not sure how many times I would have given up on everything. Its nice to have someone in your life who makes you want to reach your dreams, they support you. I am truly blessed to have her.

As I currently get ready to leave on this life changing move to find myself and discover everything I want in life and out of myself. I know that she will read this, and possibly have tears in her eyes. But she will always know I am here, a BBM, FB, phone call away. Plus, I hope she does feel her heart strings tug a little. You see, we decided to be fun and have something to look forward to we would write back and forth in a journal and send to each other after we have written in it. I know, sister hood of the travelling journal ha ha. But what I didn't expect was her to give me the journal and had already wrote in it. It brought tears to my eyes. Her encouraging words and love that came through on the page really touched me, and made me realise as hard as this might be to be away from everyone in a new place, with no friends it won't be so hard. Because I've got her.

I guess what I am trying to say is ; Twin, NEVER change, ever. For anyone, because you are the most perfect, beautiful person I have ever had in my life. We are going onto 7 years into our wonderful friendship, but I know one day we will be sitting on the front deck in rocking chairs bitching about our husbands and kids, probably listening to rap music, drinking Slurpee's in our sweat pants ha ha. I love you with everything I have, all my heart and soul.
Don't ever forget it ! You've always got me.



  1. I don't even know how to respond to this right now. Probably shouldn't have read it at work because now I look like a baby, crying but laughing at the same time because I just pictured us drinking slurpees on a porch, all old, listening to rap music. HILARIOUS, but more than likely true. We will represent Gramma-Unit like no tomorrow! This was very kind and very thoughtful of you to post. You've truly taken my breath and words away (like usual when we start laughing)

    Don't ever change, but if you do, I'll love you the same

    xxx Jessica

  2. I feel like I'm intruding a little here but just want to say that you two are pretty lucky to have each other. I'm sure that you'll make it through this phase just fine if not stronger!

    1. Awe I know we will be fine, and I know our friendship will only be stronger. It was hard to say goodbye so this was the best way for me to do it without crying infront of her. But we got a little journal and we are going to mail it back and forth :)

  3. One of my biggest regrets was never sending the journal.